random conclusion

We get lost in our little judgmental natures, and the people we judge climb over our heads and shine.
-push

messages.

cigarette smoke

The sun rises and sets. Between dreams I’ve forgotten you’ve changed and my life’s moved on. I’m caught in that nightmare where you’re letting go and I’m wondering why.
I’ve hidden the cards you made, the words you said. The friendship beads you slipped around my wrist, the secrets you whispered in my ears. Like cigarette smoke they made intricate designs in the air but meaningless, as they shaped according to air, and disappeared.
I hid everything but I am yet to fully hide the memories that play in my head, maybe I had hurriedly swallowed time, but never forgotten the flavor.
So you make your way to me now, even though in reality, you talk to the people you swore were never your type, you’re walking away so fast from me that you’re running, you hate because I remind you of what you’re becoming but you’re forgetting I don’t even know what that is.

I thought it was fair to fight it out, right it out, confide but never hide.
I have made mistakes, I know what they are, I meant to apologize. I do. I see you logging in and signing out, and I don’t say a word.
I type a letter in my head an hour later, I’m writing it now, people who don’t know me would’ve read but you would’ve never heard.

Push

when life starts to standardize.

will he?

The TV these days seems all about love and romance although those are the things glaringly missing. It's getting scary. Will he won't he? More importantly, are we on TV?

-push

So...wake up!

I just cant seem to wake up early. Its really upsetting cause I got a gym membership and everything in attempts to get fitter, because I need to do a lot more in my life than before. There's a whole lot of driving, traveling and stress.
So after going to the gym three days instead of thirty, I'm wondering how did I get here and what the hell to do.

Things that kept me from getting up and going to the gym:

1) Not enough support from friends. Now I kept listening to "Oh YOU? going to the GYM? WHY? you're THIN! No way, you're not gonna last even a day. You just CANT. I know you too well." Well you know what, that doesn't help. I really didn't know that I can't do what I put my mind to. I had no idea that's the impression you guys had, and it just pushed me to take it easy.


2) Waking up early. Tried gymming in the evening but I would be stuck in office, driving or chilling with friends... learnt the hard way evenings are NOT free for me.

3) Not being completely convinced that gymming is right for me... I mean there's belly dancing (lol), yoga, aerobics... isn't gymming like... boring?

4) Becoming overconfident.. "if I get fat, I'm sure I'll lose it.."

5) Not being FULLY DETERMINED!! AAAARRRGH I HAVE TO DO THIS!


I'm guessing ALL my problems will be solved if:

1) I WAKE UP EARLY

2) I don't discuss my gym plan with anyone but supportive people (i know who they are now)

3) Action out the two points above.

Well here's to me!

best of bloody luck.


edit:

"...Think about it — if you oversleep just 30 minutes a day, that’s 180+ hours a year. And if you’re at 60 minutes a day, that’s 365 hours a year, the equivalent of nine 40-hour weeks. That’s a lot of time! Now I don’t know about you, but I can think of more creative things to do with that time than lying in bed longer than I need to.."


Something i found from: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/04/how-to-get-up-right-away-when-your-alarm-goes-off/

new blog image

"The scene plays on
With an enchanting song
Within my head
Against a shade of red.

Reflections in the mirror
Stare at me
A face I can’t remember
Is all I can see"
Push
http://blindedblueteddy.blogspot.com/2007/10/regret.html


inspired by something i wrote.
tell me how you find it.

Faraway Train

wrote this when i was on tour, for almost a week, travelling by train & missing the man..

Faraway Train

Delicate sunlight
Filtering from within the leaves
The spiders weave
And the gentle breeze

A little hello
Was carried a long way
Spoken by precious lips
My memory can't slip

I wait and wonder
When I will hold your hand in mine
When time will really be time
And the words will effortlessly rhyme

Like the sunlight
I hope you feel me
Like warmth on your skin
Light in your eyes
and smile

The sky's fade fast
But the world waits
For the sunlight
To bring them light again

You are my light
Bright, my heart
I'm on a Faraway train
But with you still
Until..

..The sunlight
Shines in the world
Filtering from within the leaves
Through windows of tall concrete
And the gentle breeze...

- push

Miss-ery.

When the phone didn’t ring

The words didn’t bring

A smile to my face

I wondered why

I stopped feeling alive

Wandering in my mind alone

and in my car

The radio playing on mute

Somehow I’ve lost

Something I cant explain

I’m breaking my head

But the tension in my heart

Whispers again

Nothing’s no good without you

You’re gonna think of me

And I wont

Turn around

Make a sound

Acknowledge you

Maybe then you’ll see…

-Push

Going Blank.

I think working has finally ruined me. Can't think freely like I used to.

Moments come to me, but they're to faint to grow.

I was travelling before but then my blackberry began to distract me.

and instead of looking out and up at the sky, I was looking into its screen.

And what's the point of staying in touch

When I'm losing myself so much?

Maybe I need a holiday. But somehow like clockwork every morning I dismiss that thought and just make my list of tasks. But this is one space that saves me. Black space on the internet. Who knows who views it? But I write for me. Because sometimes you need to record things to remind yourself what you're about.

I'm not going to blank out. I'm going to keep this teddy alive and swimming into dreams and glowing with life.

- Push