Thursday, January 24, 2008
“It all begins where it ends,” says my imaginary friend. I take in what she says. Twirl my hair around my finger chew on it-just a little.
The road had taken interesting turns. And I wasn’t really walking on it, I was the rash driver, who was driving full speed, heading to god knows where. And GodKnowsWhere seemed like a pretty nice place to go. It wasn’t always that I gave up my stick-to-second-gear instincts to be driving full speed, with my head out of the window. Driving slow was planned, so planned, that I became sick of it. And felt I was driving in one big circle.
And now, I see a dead end.
I don’t know if I should step out the car, explore. Don’t know if it’s right to be here. But something within me is still jumping with joy. “So what!” I scream at the Dead End sign.
Truth is, there is no fucking dead end in my mind. Even if I’m craving one. I’m moving, growing older and spending my time, even if I’m just standing in one place. Even if I don’t move, the trees are getting older, their leaves turning from green to brown, the winter turning into summer.
Is this a new beginning? I strap my seat belt on. Look behind me and no one’s there. I look at the passenger seat which has been empty for awhile now. Look at pictures pasted on the dashboard. I move my fingers over his lips and mine in the photograph.
A smile forms on my face.
I place my bag in the passenger seat, put on my fancy shades. Hit the reverse gear. The car backs a bit and jerks to a halt. Pressing firmly on the accelerator, I laugh as I feel the stop sign crumble under my car.
I roll the window down, the wind plays with my hair, the sun is my eye. I like this place passing me by, I like the blur of colours outside. This is where I belong. In motion. This is the beginning from another end.