programmed

The futures too big

So I step back

To get the total look

Too many things I could be

Wish I could

Put my head into

A software, sort, delete

And programmed

To succeed.

push

//////////////////shadows/////

shadow like memories
cloud my mind
we're too old
we remember and regret
that our moments have passed
the time gone

i close my eyes and
alive and again
there we were
like everyday that was
fragrant of you
i cant take it all in
i never could

the shadows lie over me
over us, over our time
like your face in the candlelight
we feel it reaching out
and making us dream again

i'm so scared
scared we'll lose to the shadows
the brilliant colours will fade
we'll be alone watching
shadows behind us
shadows around us

(i'm going to\
wrap your hands in mine\ hold that time
till the shadow begins to glow
begins to flow
into us)

push

cigarette smoke

The sun rises and sets. Between dreams I’ve forgotten you’ve changed and my life’s moved on. I’m caught in that nightmare where you’re letting go and I’m wondering why.
I’ve hidden the cards you made, the words you said. The friendship beads you slipped around my wrist, the secrets you whispered in my ears. Like cigarette smoke they made intricate designs in the air but meaningless, as they shaped according to air, and disappeared.
I hid everything but I am yet to fully hide the memories that play in my head, maybe I had hurriedly swallowed time, but never forgotten the flavor.
So you make your way to me now, even though in reality, you talk to the people you swore were never your type, you’re walking away so fast from me that you’re running, you hate because I remind you of what you’re becoming but you’re forgetting I don’t even know what that is.

I thought it was fair to fight it out, right it out, confide but never hide.
I have made mistakes, I know what they are, I meant to apologize. I do. I see you logging in and signing out, and I don’t say a word.
I type a letter in my head an hour later, I’m writing it now, people who don’t know me would’ve read but you would’ve never heard.

Push

Miss-ery.

When the phone didn’t ring

The words didn’t bring

A smile to my face

I wondered why

I stopped feeling alive

Wandering in my mind alone

and in my car

The radio playing on mute

Somehow I’ve lost

Something I cant explain

I’m breaking my head

But the tension in my heart

Whispers again

Nothing’s no good without you

You’re gonna think of me

And I wont

Turn around

Make a sound

Acknowledge you

Maybe then you’ll see…

-Push

She was made out of rain

She was made out of rain
How else could I explain
The maiden who appeared in the mist
But suddenly didn’t exist?

I saw her
The rain trickled off her
Swam around her
Like an obedient child
Trying to please
Or did my eyes
Deceive me?

Vivid colours reflected
Deflected
She was there.
A shape
Sparkling, alive
A face.

I inched closer to her
I inched closer
To hear

With the sound of the rain
She was gone
And the road was
Empty

I bent down
Touched the water
Put it on my face
It was real
But it couldn’t erase

What I had seen
The girl made out of rain
How else
Can I explain…

-Push July2010

underneath the stars

Underneath the stars
I lie
With no one but you
On my mind

My tears flow down my face
Disappear into the ground
No one seems to hear
The silent sound

Tell me you’re here
Bring me back to life
Tell me you’re here
You’re right by my side

I think of standing up
But then I know I stand alone
It’s like all of these years
These feet weren’t my own

Tell me you’re here
Bring me
Back to life
Tell me you’re here
You’re right…by my side

I wish you didn’t leave me
In this world of pain
I wish I could be
Who I was again

I wish I could fade
Softly into the sky
Maybe you’d come to say
Say goodbye

I wish you didn’t leave me
How I wish you didn’t leave me
Underneath the stars…
I’m alone
And you’re so far.

Push 2004

wrote this song many years ago.. still sing it once in awhile.. me and my guitar :)

While the meaning was lost with growing up.

Its like after the storm. Its been cold, wet, sometimes ugly. Sometimes you grow so close to people that even after years they don’t fade. Their walking away didn’t hurt, till you felt them reappear year after year, even though they were gone.
I am not talking about a lover. I am talking about friends. Not one face – fated to meet me from the crowd of many. Giggling three girls in the back of a sunny yellow car, while the meaning was lost with growing up.

I miss you all.

Silently.

I hear every whisper

Feels like he’s lost
Floating somewhere in the sky
Because I asked him why
Because I couldn’t lie

Flowers and trees
Birds and bees
Growing over me
I want to be free

I’ll start from the bottom
Where I can search no more
For love and emotions
I haven’t felt before

I hear every whisper
That he speaks in his mind
He hears nothing
My heart shatters with time

-Push
2008

For a Cosmopolitan I'd had...

The luminous pink liquid
Spins around in my glass
I take it in
Love atlast.

The music beats
The words repeat
Echoes deep inside my soul
Make me whole

Ladies and their legs
Men and their pegs
My window to the world blurs
Silence within stirred

Luminous pink love
Stay in my glass
Despite my desire
Stay till the last

Moment of me
We'll achieve
Eternity.

-Push
Saturday, February 16, 2008, 11:03:04 PM

speedy flights.

Tonight didn't go as planned
I couldn't take a stand
They drove me up and down
In and about town.

I could hear them kissing
I could hear them do it
In their heads
I could feel their impatience mounting
As they counted the minutes to bed

It didn't make me want someone
It didn't make me sad
It didn't make call someone
It made my time drag

The show wasn't worth it
Mom spoilt it all for me
Coming back on time
Was as important as life could be

Dinner's over
And I had nothing to eat
No left over
I stare in disbelief

The street lights
All lit in a line
The speedy flights
All out of time

-Push