Thursday, November 29, 2007

Lost in a moment

I could feel you all around me
I knew I would see you today
May be just a glimpse
Lost in a moment

Just the way
I know night turns to day
I knew i'd see you
After so many years apart
I knew u'd return to break my heart.

I saw you then
Glistening in the summer sun
Your black hair
And ur eyes alive in animation
I felt the same sensation

I felt alive and dead
Memories replayed in my head
Silently I watched u pass me by
I didn't catch your eye.

Longing filled my heart
Tears filled my eyes
Just to hold u again
Just to jump into a bed of thorns
Only to bleed again.

I could feel you all around me
I knew I would see you today
May be just a glimpse
Lost in a moment.

Pushpanjali Banerji

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Fifteenth Time

The Fifteenth Time

I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t hear anything you said. I wasn’t here. Yes, I did seem like I was listening, but I really wasn’t. I was thinking about the sky outside.
Please don’t hold my hand. It makes me nervous. This is only the fourteenth time we’ve met. I did count.

Yes I know you want to hear those words. But the radio is too loud. Don’t turn it down, though-I like this song.
I can’t think. I’m sweating again, you’re standing too close. Step away. I’ll meet you there in my car. Don’t get offended. It’s something I always do… I like my car.

Whatever is in my head should go away. I’ll just look into his eyes a little more. He really is something.
Time begins to move backwards. I’m driving in reverse again, driving myself insane. I pick up my phone and call him.

“I’m needed at home. You’re already there? Oh. I really am sorry. Yes…another time.”

Pushpanjali Banerji

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Grey Skies Turn Blue- (Also the name of my favourite MxPx song)

Grey Skies Turn Blue- (Also the name of my favourite MxPx song)

There’s so much to say. So many things just buzzing in my head. It’s not the first time I’ve felt this way.
I’ve felt it before- when I was so busy listening to the voices in my head that just I stood there, looking at the person before me. I said nothing at all. I wasn’t asked, urged to speak. Just an empty silence. I don’t remember which one of walked away first, but when I was back in my full consciousness- I was standing alone.
I don’t know if I’ll see him again. I don’t know if I want to. A vague sense of desire tugs at my heart from time to time.

Grey skies turn blue. I’m waiting. There have been many beautiful sunsets, but I want a clear blue sky. Where I can trust blindly again. Fall freely.

*** *** ***

Who knows where I’ll be. I won’t be here in my room typing things at unearthly hours a few months down the line. I’d probably be getting my luggage and crying my way to the airport. I’m struggling to keep today alive. I feel it slipping. I don’t want to grow up. I want to be this pretty just- turned-twenty year old for the rest of my life. I want to wear my skinny jeans everyday, have my nails painted this bright peach-pink always.

I hate that I never have the time to even call someone back. I hate that I’m such a workaholic, I hate that I can’t spend endless hours with friends in random shoe shops. I hate that I’m always tired, always at edge.
I hate that I don’t believe in love. That I can never compromise the way I used to. That I think more about ads and business than clothes.

I don’t want to go abroad. I don’t want this night, this unearthly hour to pass. I don’t want to lose my friends to time zones. Its not like I’m leaving tomorrow, but it feels like it.

-Pushpanjali Banerji
(Yes Japna- give the pep talk, yo ma biatch, love you. :)
and anonymous- :)

( And Suren this was what the stressed out sms was about.)

Pushpanjali Banerji

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

She had seen it all. And it hurt. From one face to another. They all seemed to be staring at her. Looking at her as though she was small and insignificant, broken and empty- even though they were not looking at her at all.
She felt dizzy and noxious. The world seemed to be spinning. She could hear music. It surrounded her. It was loud and she covered her ears with her palms- but she could not block out the noise.
She stared at the world from her window. Sitting backseat, an animated look in her eyes, she felt alive, awake, content- staring at the world outside.
Everything was moving. She couldn’t make out the colours. The car was moving too fast. Everything became one color with shreds of lights breaking through the luminous color.
It was the sky and the earth merging together, the sun and moon placed in one, complete, starless sky. She smiled and giggled, dying to watch more.
Her hands were placed firmly against the glass. She blinked.The car was stationary. The driver said he had not even started the car when she questioned why they had stopped.
She pressed her head. That song again, exploding in her brain. She struggled to keep her eyes open.
The driver and the car were gone. She was somewhere in the sky, a rainbow below her feet. Small and big raindrops were falling towards her. She laughed again.
She felt the water trickle down her scalp. She looked up, hoping to get a watery drop on her face. It had stopped raining.
She was back on the ground again. She could not move. She could not breathe. Yet she could see. She heard prayers. They said they would miss her. They wondered if it had been painful. Had she bled? They said she was…


Pushpanjali Banerji