...and his loving heart!

I want a pink shoe
And a golden cart
A green fluffy feather
And a lemon tart

I want a little loving
Something true to believe in
But most of all-
I want my little baby
And his loving heart

I feel a little sober
I feel a little drunk
I’ll save my tears for another
Pack my joy in a trunk

And mail it to my baby
And his loving heart
And send it all to my baby
And his loving heart

I want a blue sky
I want a silver sea
I want no lies
But a little sympathy

I want a little dreaming
And a careless caress
But most of all-
I want my little baby
And his loving heart

I want to give my baby
All the loving he can take
I want to give my baby…
Oh, I’d give my life for his sake

I may not get a pink shoe
Or a golden cart
May not find a green feather
Or a lemon tart

But I’ve found my baby
He’s the one I want the most
Yes he’s my baby
(about him I like to boast!)
I’ve found my baby
And his loving heart
Will always love my baby
And his loving heart!


-Pushpanjali Banerji

when you were mine

Break into your little mind
Break everything you can find
Look up and see the
Changing colours of the sky
But you didn’t -
Before you said goodbye

There was still a scent
Lingering in the sir
Like it was everywhere
It wasn’t fair
You weren’t there

I saw the shadows
And the silent stares
I knew they were coming
Ghosts of the past
Were you here at last?

I’m scared already
Cold chill within me
I’m not sure
I want to see
Let it be

The thought of you
The memories
We were meant to be
You couldn’t see

Break into your little heart
Break into every little dark
Emotion I can find
That you’ve left behind

I saw an open field
It reminded me of you
I could almost see you with it all
A beautiful smile and a football

Love your sweat
Your smell
Your lies and the tales you tell
(incomplete)

Pushpanjali Banerji

apathetic

I don’t know you at all
You broken, screwed up- apathetic
I don’t know you at all
Your words disgust me

You’re down on the floor again
Begging and pleading
Your vivid display of emotions misleading
Kicking and screaming
Get up you
I don’t know you at all

Stop, stop with the crying
Stop with the praying
Stop with the bullshit tears
Stop with the childish fears

Pulling at your hair
Sobbing in despair
Bleeding from the start
Bleeding from your heart

Foolishly raped
Stupidly drowned
You still haven’t escaped
Repeatedly downed

Go kill yourself in a corner
Where no one would see
Embrace your own torture
Where no one would be

So get up you
Get out of me
Get up you
Get the fuck out of me
Get the fuck out of me

Stop staring at me
From the mirror
Stop bringing me down
Die out with your fervor

I don’t know you at all
You broken, screwed up- apathetic
I don’t know you at all
Your being disgusts me


-pushpanjali banerji

twisted lover- the lovesong

Don’t you know baby
You’ve gotta twisted lover in me
Don’t you know baby
You’re goodbye took the life outta me

You look up and see the stars
While I sit alone and wonder where you are
You taught me to dream
That’s all I can seem
To do-
Without you

Don’t you know baby
You’ve gotta twisted lover in me
You’ve tied me up up baby
While you roam around free

No one noticed my tears
Like you did baby
You came and took away all my fears
And then you just left me alone

What about all the promises
What about all the words you said
What about my broken heart
About the way you drifted apart

I know you love to hurt me
To bruise my heart and my soul
I know you’ve broken me
Yet you’re the only one who can make me whole

Don’t you know baby
You’ve gotta twisted lover in me
You’ve blinded me baby
And I keep falling cause I cant see

You’re the one I dream of
The one I need to be a part of
Be with me
You’ve gotta twisted lover in me
Believe in me
Don’t let your twisted lover be.

-Pushpanjali Banerji

The worst is done. New life has begun.
I’m looking through my window again. Watching new colours fill the sky, watching new faces filled with joy.
I have to reach out. I’m on my own finally. I’ve let go of the past- what it was. I no longer bear the same thoughts in my head, dragging me down.
I’m outstretched- facing the sun, feeling its warmth on my soul.
I’m going to leave an impression. I can’t fade away.
I no longer care for you.

It’s like the rain.
Washing away my sadness. The ground feels fresh and new, its smell intoxicating.
I want to build something here.
The pain has evaporated. I can’t say it’s still inside me in some corner of my mind because its not. The footsteps have faded. You no longer are walking in circles through my mind.

I pray: It remains this way.
I’m ready to work hard. Sweat and blood I can give it all. I am here. And that’s all that’s ever mattered, and matters still.



Pushpanjali Banerji

Regret

The scene plays on
With an enchanting song
Within my head
Against a shade of red.

I speculate
The drama disseminates
Into various sides of me
Into a psychotic fantasy

The cloud bursts
It breaks-
It takes-
Me in.
Colors-
Stream out-
As the light grows dim

Reflections in the mirror
Stare at me
A face I can’t remember
Is all I can see

My body trembles
My words fumble
I’ve loaded the gun
The fun has just begun

I smile as thoughts
Breeze through my brain
Feeling my anger
Feeling my pain

The drama takes its turns
My heart shivers and burns
As laughter echoes through the air
Someone is crying somewhere

I stand up from the floor
I wont sit anymore
The colors are too bright
This has to end tonight.

Has it rained blood
From the skies
Or has it emerged from the ground
Is it visible to just my eyes
Or has it finally been found?

I will awaken
When the drama ends
I will awaken
When the dialogues descend

The colors seem to be fading
The theme strained
The words splattered
The characters shattered

Why do I feel so different
Have I changed
Or am I deranged

The series of pictures
With the flowing etude
My paradise
My escapement
Falls silent after subdue

I submerge into reality
And realize that I cant
Locked within glass
Am I free at last?

I feel so trapped
So deserted
So empty
Is this my future
My destiny?

I see my body lying
In a pool of blood
Silently dying
Its screams unheard

So much it has felt
Heard and seen
Life would have been long
If my soul wasn’t stuck in between

What have I done
I came out alive everytime
What have I done
I’ve destroyed my own time.



Pushpanjali Banerji

one beautiful song

Richard Marx - Endless Summer Nights Lyrics

Summer came and left without a warning
All at once I looked and you were gone
And now you're looking back at me
Searching for a way that we can be
like we were before

Now I'm back to what I knew before you
Somehow the city doesn't look the same
I'd give my life for one more night
Of having you here to hold me tight;

oh, please
Take me there again

Oh, oh[Chorus:]And I remember how you loved me
Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
I remember every moment
of those endless summer nights

I still recall the walks along the beaches
And the way your hair would glisten in the sun
Rising in the afternoon
Making love to you under the moon,
oh

Do you remember all the nights we spent in silence
Every single breath you took was mine
We can have it all again
Say that you'll be with me when the sun brings your heart to mine

Oh, oh[Chorus]
There's only so much I can say
So please don't run away from what we have together
It's only you and me tonight

So let's stay lost in flight
Oh, won't you please surrender

Oh, oh[Chorus:]And I remember how you loved me
Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
I remember every moment
of those endless summer nights

The Unhappy Single

The Unhappy Single

Without being my usual observant self, I picked up the first card I lay my hands on at Archie’s. All around me I could see big red balloons and heart shaped furry pillows that seemed positively obnoxious. I saw fat girlfriends yapping away on their cell phones and feminine looking men stroking a teddy bears belly, with an awestruck expression as though the teddy’s fur was the doing of a supernatural miracle.
I made my way to the counter with my elbows out as there was quite a rush, and I was in a hurry. I paid, waited impatiently and left as soon as the receipt was printed and handed to me, because the suffocation was increasing. The big red hearts were garish and getting to me, the “I Love You’s” were too in-my face, and I needed to get out. As you have figured out, I am an odd human being. And that it is Valentine’s Day.

The minute I stepped out I saw (mostly badly overdressed) couples desperately trying to look love struck. The 'jaans' and the 'cuchi-coo’s' came floating to my ears filling me with a desperate desire to purchase earplugs.
I then decided to stop for a meal in a Chinese restaurant that I adored. Despite the fact that I was not with my friends, I was ready to splurge and treat myself. After all, it was Valentine’s Day. I ordered, a rather expensive, one portion of noodles and chicken. What I got was a helping good enough for three people! I asked the waiter why did one portion not look like one portion. He looked at the empty seat beside me and said “Madam, usually we expect couples or families ” There it was. A slap on the face. I was subjected to food wastage and overpricing because I was single.
I met up a friend later, who, by the way, had asked me to purchase the card that caused me all that suffocation and humiliation. That place was a constant reminder to me of days when I used to stop there and lovingly spend hours searching for a Real Madrid poster. It reminded me of my broken relationship, if only some body would bomb those furry stupid hearts!

Later that day I decided to hang out at a disc and just forget about everything. My friends were late, so I decided to just go on in. the man at the door asked me if I had a date. I was disgusted. “No”, I said, rather sharply. “Okay” he said, but the look that I got was more Oh-you-poor-thing.
Everyday I find a pair of eyes looking at me in wonder when I sit and have a cup of coffee alone.

Once I was lodging an FIR against someone who had crashed into my car. The officer just looked behind me and asked whether there was a man he could speak to!

I am being judged. I am being sympathized with. I am equated as less capable without a partner. I am thought to have bad luck. I don’t want any sympathy! Can’t they see? This is how I choose to be?
Why can’t society grow single friendly? Why do strangers feel it’s all right to letch when a girl is without a man? Why is a large pack of mother dairy ice cream have to be called “Family Pack?” how about XXL?

I don’t want to condemn myself to forever justifying myself to some man just yet. I don’t want to be sitting around waiting for a phone call that never came or a phone that rings off the hook the whole day. I don’t want to tell someone where I am, what I am doing and when I will be back. And lastly, I don’t want to be caught dead standing in Archie’s, with my phone in my ear while blowing my money on a silly, big furry red heart.


-Pushpanjali Banerji

Bubbles

Bubbles


The peddler on the side had toys, which no one wanted to buy. He whisked out a tiny plastic tube from his bag.
A pair of curious eyes watched as he dipped it in a soapy solution. Soon, a crowd of awestruck street children had stopped their play short to watch the bubbles-so many of those reflecting circles, white and blue nothings, gliding gracefully out of the garish fluorescent tube and floating into the sky.
The peddler’s poise changed, he took the form of an action hero frozen mid air. Pride filled in his tiny frame as his eyes took in all the attention.
“Do it once again,” they begged. “Please!”
The last of the little bubbles had burst, leaving behind nothing but a memory of its graceful glide in the air and a watery drop.
The peddler obliged. Once again, the street was filled with the luminous bubbles that the children reached out to touch. Slightly disappointed by the way they burst when a curious finger touched them, they felt no heartbreak- they simply reached out to the next translucent globe of light.
A car suddenly screeched to a halt on the other side of the street. The window rolled down. The peddler was rudely called.
Within the car sat a father and his son. “I wannnt the bubble maker!” the child wailed frustratingly.
“Give it to him!” the father said with all impoliteness in his tone.
The peddler reached into his bag and took out a plastic tube and its soapy solution.
“This is broken! Look! There’s a crack!” said the man in the car.
“It was the last piece sir… Unless, unless little sir here would like mine.” The peddler squeaked, barely audible.
The man nodded and snatched the tube that was the peddler’s own. He thrust ten rupees in his hand.
The street children watched quietly as the little boy stepped out of the car. He thrust the fluorescent tube in his mouth. A string of bubbles came flying out, with astonishing speed. The bubbles were deformed and tiny. The burst almost as soon as they emerged from the tube.
They didn’t glide and gleam in the light.
The street children watched from the corner, their hearts twisting in envy, as the boy walked away with the cheap garish fluorescent tube that made miracles.
The one they loved so much. They stared-till the last of the tiny bubbles burst.


Pushpanjali Banerji