Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The day of complete fulfillment

The day of complete fulfillment


Well… Today isn’t it.

It was few days ago. Green painted nails. Standing next to ma, having gol-gappas. Buying cheap clothes. I didn’t let go of her hand for a second that day. It felt so good to be next to her after so long…she said she’d drive me anywhere I want.
I kept telling her how happy I was. I had no idea I missed her so much.
I kept embarrassing her, leaning in and kissing her cheeks, and hugging her unexpectedly.
I love that kind of warmth. It feels like anything- even if the world was falling apart-my mom would utter one word, and everything would go back in its place, almost apologetically.
From giving dirty looks to men who stare at me shamelessly to buying me anything she lays her eyes on-she’s protected me, loved me and spoilt me.
Even though she doesn’t understand my dress sense anymore- she had just grasped the idea of my super low waists when I began demanding a fringe. Now she’s tired of sweeping my hair off my forehead.
She’s forced herself to let me be. She wants to stand back and see what will happen. She won’t push me into learning classical or lower the volume when I play lamb of god at full volume. She gives me space- I suspect she may like metal if I make her hear it often enough!
Like any mother daughter, we look forward to quiet and fun filled afternoons in the mall, shopping for colourful hairpins and bags. And shoes! Latest obsession. I’ve gotten ma hooked to Carlton!
She’ll feel the contours of the patent leather shoes with me, share my passion. Give the shoe its due respect- hold it lovingly and contemplate the price tag. Work out a bargaining strategy.
She’d watch lovingly as I’d draw smiley’s in my cappuccino with demirara sugar. She wave to all the babies when I’d tell her about all the man problems in my life, and then hear my lecture about not listening! :p
Mom, I love you. I’m still biting on the toast you’ve lovingly made for me. With a little bit of honey in it, just the way I like it. I love your simplicity, your purity, your attempts at generalizing anything under the sun, even if that gets to me, come to think of it- its almost adorable. Don’t get too happy, I said ‘almost’. ;p
I love the way you learn from me, buy yourself eye-shadows and turn to me to help you. I love the way you say cuss words with immense reluctance! I love your hazel eyes which remind me of honey and the sweetness they possess.

I cant picture how you put up with me. my over critical nature, my difficult personality, my million points of view, my million excuses as to why my clothes are always strewn on the floor, or why the toothpaste never has a cap on it.
I love the way you gently push me towards my goals by not saying anything at all.
I love the way I feel around you-my heart feels like a little child- hunched over a fresh new piece of paper with a lime colored crayon in her hand, who wants her life to seem directionless, but the jagged lines make sense in the end.

Pushpanjali Banerji

5 comments:

Jasmine said...

Mommy!
I want MY mommy!
Push's getting better...Or am I loosing myself in her love!

Sakshi said...

youre the only woman who can make me cry with her words.. :P

Anonymous said...

you know something...

by writing this you did the near impossible...

you made the guy cry who every now and then keeps telling his friends that boys don't cry...

Anonymous said...

:-\

Push said...

hehehh!